You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
