my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Say something about gay babies.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
