with your own penis?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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