you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
