You can't motorboat a personality
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
