I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
