apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
