i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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