Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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