I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
