Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
