I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
