Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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