Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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