Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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