They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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