Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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