I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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