So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
