is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
