saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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