ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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