im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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