two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
