covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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