Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
