did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
