I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
