something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
