If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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