I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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