I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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