Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
