11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
