I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
