When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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