You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
