How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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