CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
