Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Girls should come with a carfax report
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
