We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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