SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
