Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
