He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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