I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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