my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
