when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
