So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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