Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
