Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
