$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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