That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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