why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
