Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
