absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
