Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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