I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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