hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
