The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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