Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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